Humor Quotes
Quotes tagged as "humor"
Showing 211-240 of 42,859

“God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.”
― Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
― Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

“Of course motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is something you should do on a regular basis.”
― Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World
― Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World

“If you are a student you should always get a good nights sleep unless you have come to the good part of your book, and then you should stay up all night and let your schoolwork fall by the wayside, a phrase which means 'flunk'.”
―
―

“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.”
―
―

“What's up?" I asked.
You tell me," he said. "You were the one about ready to start making out with Adrian."
It was an experiment," I said. "It was part of my therapy."
What the hell kind of therapy are you in?”
― Shadow Kiss
You tell me," he said. "You were the one about ready to start making out with Adrian."
It was an experiment," I said. "It was part of my therapy."
What the hell kind of therapy are you in?”
― Shadow Kiss

“Seventeen, eh!" said Hagrid as he accepted a bucket-sized glass of wine from Fred.
"Six years to the day we met, Harry, d鈥檡eh remember it?"
"Vaguely," said Harry, grinning up at him. "Didn鈥檛 you smash down the front door, give Dudley a pig鈥檚 tail, and tell me I was a wizard?"
"I forge鈥 the details," Hagrid chortled.”
― Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
"Six years to the day we met, Harry, d鈥檡eh remember it?"
"Vaguely," said Harry, grinning up at him. "Didn鈥檛 you smash down the front door, give Dudley a pig鈥檚 tail, and tell me I was a wizard?"
"I forge鈥 the details," Hagrid chortled.”
― Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.”
―
―

“It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people.”
― Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
― Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

“It crosses my mind that Cinna's calm and normal demeanor masks a complete madman.”
― The Hunger Games
― The Hunger Games

“Can you be a girl for a few seconds?"
"I'm always a girl" I frown.
"You know what I mean. Like a silly, annoying girl"
I twirl my hair around my finger. "Kay.”
― Divergent
"I'm always a girl" I frown.
"You know what I mean. Like a silly, annoying girl"
I twirl my hair around my finger. "Kay.”
― Divergent

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
―
―

“If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.”
―
―

“We need to talk. All of us About what we're going to do now."
"I was going to watch Project Runway.”
― City of Ashes
"I was going to watch Project Runway.”
― City of Ashes

“But-" Maia, still looking at Alec and Magnus, broke off and rasied her eyebrows. Simon turned to see what she was looking at - and stared.
Alec had his arms around Magnus and was kissing him full on the mouth. Magnus, who appeared to be in a state of shock, stood frozen. Several groups of people - Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike - were staring and whispering. Glancing to the side, Simon saw the Lightwoods, their eyes widen, gaping at the display. Maryse had her hand over her mouth.
Maia looked perplexed. "Wait a second," she said. "Do we all have to do that, too?”
― City of Glass
Alec had his arms around Magnus and was kissing him full on the mouth. Magnus, who appeared to be in a state of shock, stood frozen. Several groups of people - Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike - were staring and whispering. Glancing to the side, Simon saw the Lightwoods, their eyes widen, gaping at the display. Maryse had her hand over her mouth.
Maia looked perplexed. "Wait a second," she said. "Do we all have to do that, too?”
― City of Glass

“Sebastian just smiled. 鈥淚 could hear your heart beating,鈥 he said softly. 鈥淲hen you were watching me with Valentine. Did it bother you?鈥
鈥淭hat you seem to be dating my dad?鈥 Jace shrugged. "You鈥檙e a little young for him, to be honest.鈥
鈥淲hat?鈥 For the first time since Jace had met him, Sebastian seemed flabbergasted.”
― City of Glass
鈥淭hat you seem to be dating my dad?鈥 Jace shrugged. "You鈥檙e a little young for him, to be honest.鈥
鈥淲hat?鈥 For the first time since Jace had met him, Sebastian seemed flabbergasted.”
― City of Glass

“Moths," repeats Will. "You're afraid of moths?"
"Not just a cloud of moths," she says, "like...a swarm of them. Everywhere. All those wings and legs and..." She shudders and shakes her head.
"Terrifying," Will says with mock seriousness. "That's my girl. Tough as cotton balls."
"Oh, Shut up.”
― Divergent
"Not just a cloud of moths," she says, "like...a swarm of them. Everywhere. All those wings and legs and..." She shudders and shakes her head.
"Terrifying," Will says with mock seriousness. "That's my girl. Tough as cotton balls."
"Oh, Shut up.”
― Divergent

“Rachel: You're a half-blood, too?
Annabeth: Shhh! Just announce it to the world, how about?
Rachel: Okay. Hey, everybody! These two aren't human! They're half Greek god!...They don't seem to care.”
― The Battle of the Labyrinth
Annabeth: Shhh! Just announce it to the world, how about?
Rachel: Okay. Hey, everybody! These two aren't human! They're half Greek god!...They don't seem to care.”
― The Battle of the Labyrinth
All Quotes
|
My Quotes
|
Add A Quote
Browse By Tag
- Love Quotes 99k
- Life Quotes 78k
- Inspirational Quotes 74k
- Humor Quotes 43.5k
- Philosophy Quotes 30k
- Inspirational Quotes Quotes 28k
- God Quotes 26.5k
- Truth Quotes 24k
- Wisdom Quotes 24k
- Romance Quotes 23.5k
- Poetry Quotes 22.5k
- Life Lessons Quotes 21.5k
- Death Quotes 20k
- Quotes Quotes 19.5k
- Happiness Quotes 19k
- Hope Quotes 18k
- Faith Quotes 18k
- Inspiration Quotes 17k
- Spirituality Quotes 15.5k
- Motivational Quotes 15k
- Religion Quotes 15k
- Relationships Quotes 15k
- Writing Quotes 14.5k
- Life Quotes Quotes 14.5k
- Love Quotes Quotes 14.5k
- Success Quotes 13.5k
- Motivation Quotes 13k
- Time Quotes 12.5k
- Science Quotes 12k
- Motivational Quotes Quotes 11.5k