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“God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.”
― Terry Pratchett, Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

“Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.”
― Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man

“No good deed goes unpunished.”
― Oscar Wilde

“Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.”
― Mae West

“Of course motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is something you should do on a regular basis.”
― Zig Ziglar, Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World

“Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.”
― Charles M. Schulz

“If you are a student you should always get a good nights sleep unless you have come to the good part of your book, and then you should stay up all night and let your schoolwork fall by the wayside, a phrase which means 'flunk'.”
― Lemony Snicket

“Humor is reason gone mad.”
― Groucho Marx

“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.”
― Mark Twain

“What's up?" I asked.

You tell me," he said. "You were the one about ready to start making out with Adrian."

It was an experiment," I said. "It was part of my therapy."

What the hell kind of therapy are you in?”
― Richelle Mead, Shadow Kiss

“Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.”
― Woody Allen

“Seventeen, eh!" said Hagrid as he accepted a bucket-sized glass of wine from Fred.
"Six years to the day we met, Harry, d鈥檡eh remember it?"
"Vaguely," said Harry, grinning up at him. "Didn鈥檛 you smash down the front door, give Dudley a pig鈥檚 tail, and tell me I was a wizard?"
"I forge鈥� the details," Hagrid chortled.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.”
― Ellen DeGeneres

“People, generally, suck.”
― Christopher Moore, The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people.”
― Neil Gaiman, Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

“It crosses my mind that Cinna's calm and normal demeanor masks a complete madman.”
― Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games

“Can you be a girl for a few seconds?"
"I'm always a girl" I frown.
"You know what I mean. Like a silly, annoying girl"
I twirl my hair around my finger. "Kay.”
― Veronica Roth, Divergent

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
― Robin Williams

“If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.”
― Isaac Asimov

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. ”
― Mark Twain

“We need to talk. All of us About what we're going to do now."
"I was going to watch Project Runway.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes

“I figured something out. The future is unpredictable.”
― John Green, An Abundance of Katherines

“But-" Maia, still looking at Alec and Magnus, broke off and rasied her eyebrows. Simon turned to see what she was looking at - and stared.
Alec had his arms around Magnus and was kissing him full on the mouth. Magnus, who appeared to be in a state of shock, stood frozen. Several groups of people - Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike - were staring and whispering. Glancing to the side, Simon saw the Lightwoods, their eyes widen, gaping at the display. Maryse had her hand over her mouth.
Maia looked perplexed. "Wait a second," she said. "Do we all have to do that, too?”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Glass

“Sebastian just smiled. 鈥淚 could hear your heart beating,鈥� he said softly. 鈥淲hen you were watching me with Valentine. Did it bother you?鈥�
鈥淭hat you seem to be dating my dad?鈥� Jace shrugged. "You鈥檙e a little young for him, to be honest.鈥�
鈥淲hat?鈥� For the first time since Jace had met him, Sebastian seemed flabbergasted.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Glass

“Moths," repeats Will. "You're afraid of moths?"

"Not just a cloud of moths," she says, "like...a swarm of them. Everywhere. All those wings and legs and..." She shudders and shakes her head.

"Terrifying," Will says with mock seriousness. "That's my girl. Tough as cotton balls."

"Oh, Shut up.”
― Veronica Roth, Divergent

“If you love something set it free, but don't be surprised if it comes back with herpes.”
― Chuck Palahniuk

“There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends.”
― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

“Rachel: You're a half-blood, too?
Annabeth: Shhh! Just announce it to the world, how about?
Rachel: Okay. Hey, everybody! These two aren't human! They're half Greek god!...They don't seem to care.”
― Rick Riordan, The Battle of the Labyrinth

“I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.”
― Mae West

“Write what you know. That should leave you with a lot of free time.”
― Howard Nemerov